Monday blues

'Jom texting..hihi..'
'I baru topup. Hey.'
'I miss Kak Art..miss Kak Nad..miss you too'
'Well, you shouldn't do something they wouldn't like right? You said you miss them. You shouldn't have done it. I may not be a good sister and also a good friend. I may said something stupid too but I love you and I don't like you cutting yourself. Its disgusting, its an act to show how foolish you are and I don't prefer to see it. I neglect and avoid you in hoping for you to learn to appreciate the others. They were concern about you. And that is what you repay them with. Its not fair, adik.'
'I know, I spent my night in this room, reading all my writings.i forgot my promises towards them,i was just madly obsessed in love with Zaid and my fault i left my life behind.i dunno,its driving me crazy and mad.i dunno how i come to this extend.'
'No. You're not mad. You're seeking for attention. That's what it is. Don't tell me you're in love with your writings. The truth is, you don't even write, adik. You just don't! And your life is reality. Your life doesn't have to do with your writings. Stop all these.'
'I wrote them,Ain Haris.i have lots of journal which brings me to past just now.i've lost my good past and damn present keeps coming hit me like a storm.'
'That's a journal, adik. I'm talking about your writings, your story. Just don't relate your life with it. I don't like it. I don't like you pushing away us. Understand? You have your mum, us. You have Allah, adik. Why push Him away? That's just wrong. I'm so disappointed. Like really.'
'I regret having this present,falling in love as my downfall.i lost my identity,lost my confidence.i wasn't like before anymore,to rebuild my life back after a year and half in love is damn killing me. I have to kill those memories and move on,cause it keeps coming,blocking me.'
'I'm struggling to get back to His path,ok? its like...my heart,soul,damn hard to feel Him.'
'Its not wrong to love, adik. Its wrong to replace your god with your boyfriend. Your boyfriend is nothing. What he's having is all from god. Without Him, you wouldn't even knew him. And without Him, your boyfriend would never even exist.'
'But i think i was wrong to fall and trust my bf at first place.if i knew this thing would let me astray,i wouldn't want it.now its like i'm trapped,feeling hurt,blablabla...i just need to recover.i need to learn not to love anymore.sick.'
'No. You should accept them as who they are. Its just that you don't. You keep on telling him to be by your side and always be there for you and be there when you need him. He's a human, adik. You are one too. God lend you 24/7 not for you to spend those 24/7 of yours with your boyfriend. You have to plan.'
'Habis tu,orang lain tu happy je.boleh je,text,call everyday?my friends ada je yang ok.sigh.'
'Why? Your friends also couple dengan Zaid ke yang you nak compare? Apa bf kawan you tuh Zaid? That's the different. Its not Zaid.'
'Why when i'm with him,depan his friends nak berlagak single,layan me macam taknak layan,delete post kat fb,if i kat Sarawak pun he nak single, seboleh boleh taknak people know that we are together sebab he takut other girl tak layan him.what is that!?'
'I told Meeya everything that night.including the beating up case and how'd it happened.'
'You dengar all from Zaid? He's manipulative,putar belit.adik dah masak with him.that's why i cepat panas with him cause he'll sound like he is correct in everything,make him look innocent and saja denied me,my statement,asyik nak hentam me je.da pijak my head many times.i can forgive but i can't forget.'
'Lepas you dah tahu he suka putar belit and all, you still wanna be with him? What? He's an angel isit? Sorry, adik. I told him to break up with you.'
'I know. Its ok. Rash also told the same. I have no answer to your question.'
'I love you. Allah is there. Trust me. This is what you had planned. He has better plans for you. Why don't you just trust Him?'
'I can't say much.and i do miss you.'
'I don't miss you. I miss the old you.'
'Yea, I miss the old me too.'
'Just move on, adik. Stop relying on Zaid.'
'See,he's nothing at fault kan?'
'I don't care if he putar belit you or whatever. Stop blaming people. Its you who can't move on. Its you, you just don't wanna help yourself.'
'He made me look like a culprit.he started this.he wanna play war with me aite? I can give him more attacks.'
'I don't care if you wanna be on his side.go on.i'm his enemy in silence.whatever he did, it becomes vengeance in me.'
'Apa yang you dapat in becoming his enemy? Here we go again, adik. I'm not on his side neither yours. Faham?'
'Nah,you menangkan him.i saw that.i doa,he rasa apa yang i rasa one day.'
'I menangkan him? What? He's not even a brother of mine. I don't care bout him. I care bout you. Doa? Tahu plak nak doa time macam nie, after you've gone against Him.'
'Cause i've made my promises before,no matter in what condition,at the end i'll seek for Lord.'
'How about your promises to us? Now, you know that its the end, then end it. I'm not on Zaid's side neither yours. I just want you to be happy again, play drums again. If you're texting me just to tell me Zaid is the cause to all these mess, just stop. Cause he did the same and you both are just ridiculous. Night.'


Conversation with her, Miezah.
11.30p.m(Sunday) to 1.02a.m.
15/7/2012 - 16/7/2012.
The pink ones are hers, and the green ones are mine.