Curtains

For years, I've been writing stories. My stories.

I write to remind myself about the faith and trust I once got, and I let it slipped away through the tiny holes between my fingers. Blown away by the wind. I'm in the process of chasing. Chasing those faith and trust I let go. Through it, I grabbed few and lost too much.

I was one of my parent's gold. The symbol of prosperous. I'm one of dad's proud own. I have everything. You name it. Love, food, shelter, family. I have the best childhood ever.

It was when I was 15 and I met him.

They hated him.

My teenage life was ruined.

I was a loner.

And by that time, God was the only one I have.

I was depressed. I was blamed. Even when I was caught fighting with someone, all they can see was lies. I can say nothing. Words they spat on me were only words of disgust. Seems like what I said was only air. Smokes. Disappeared after seconds.

That time, I went looking back for him.

And again, I was willing to trust him again. I don't know why but at that time, he was the kindest to me. Sometimes, it felt like God was being cruel to me too, and I turned to him. He was there all the time.

He listens to my stories. Even when I'm wrong, he backed me up. Even when I'm sad, I can feel that he's with me by my side, lending me his shoulder for me to cry on. One day I realized, he's not the one I should fight for. It's them.

My family. Mum. Dad. Brothers. Sisters.

I neglected him. I pushed him away. And I made friends. Which surprised me, as they were the ones who kept me happy. I was out of trouble, again. It felt like home, again. I felt special, again.

Now, we both had moved on. I'm with someone else now. And him, likewise. For the first time in my life, I felt safe and secure being with another guy. Another guy I can call mine now, I guess. I have no idea why. Maybe they liked him. Maybe he can be trusted. Yeah, maybe.

You know, the human heart is like a house. From the outside, you can see the house is pretty and clean. Windows and doors protect the heart. If you open it wide, the suns shine bright enough to actually warm you. It's like a stranger, they can easily get in. They put you in harm. If you shut the windows often and not let the sun in, you'll suffocate. Suffocate out of anger, depression and loneliness. You'll live in darkness.

Who knows who live inside. An angel? A devil?

Curtains. It limits your sight. View from what's inside the house.

Windows. Curtains. I wonder what's inside.